The Beauty of Being with Oneself
Greetings as I sit here on a quiet Sunday morning and reflect on a podcast I just completed titled “Finding Ease in Aloneness.”
It’s so fitting for me this weekend.
One of the biggest life changes that divorce brought my way was the radical dichotomy of my life based on whether the children are with their dad or me. While I consider myself a full-time parent, the reality is that my house changes from a house of five to a house of one (or two depending upon time with my partner) every few days. That change comes with a significant reduction in chaos and a significant increase in quiet.
I’ve learned I love and can thrive in both.
This weekend of the kids being with their father and my partner being confined to bed with a stomach bug reminded me how much I appreciate the settling, the reflection (and the joy, quite honestly) that comes for me when I am my own companion.
“One of the greatest challenges in life is to learn to be at home peaceably, at home in oneself”
Enjoying being with myself led me to meditation, not the other way around
What’s interesting to me is that the respite I found in “aloneness” happened before I ever found mindfulness meditation. It came as a result of my separation, when my kids’ father and I tried “nesting” (a living arrangement where the kids stay in the home and the parents take turns coming back to the “nest” individually - the other times residing in separate abodes).
That period in my life was the first time in twenty years that I had lived on my own. For those 12 months, I created a space that provided me with a sense of physical comfort, of (emotional and physical) shelter. I learned what it was like to just hang with myself. After the emotional turmoil of the relationship, this gift was exactly what I needed.
The pleasantness of that experience gave me the courage to be quiet with myself more intentionally. I began meditating. I went on a silent retreat (first for a few hours, then for a few days, then for a few more and in November I will leave on a 10 day solo journey, 7 of which will be in silence).
What I’ve learned is that these respites of being ‘alone with me’ provides me with confidence in my own skin when I’m alone, but perhaps paradoxically, also has given me openness, compassion and vulnerability in being with others. Because I know who I am, I can be fully myself with others and allow them to be fully themselves. Not always and not perfectly but more than I ever imagined I could.
This recognition (as well as the realization that there might be an easier way to introduce people to being with oneself than moving into your own apartment for 12 months) prompted me to commit to offering a half-day retreat before the end of the year.
We’ll explore what it's like to be in silence, in community, sitting with ourselves. I hope you will consider joining me. More information, including date, time and registration, will be up on the website within the next few weeks.
Enjoy the rest of this beautiful weekend.
Rebecca
