Self Care versus Self Refuge

What do you think of when you hear “self-care?” It may conjure up a lot of different thoughts…

• Important, I know! But there is no time.

• Ugh. That’s totally self-indulgent

• It’s critical to my well-being

• Well deserved. I work hard.

Or maybe something totally different. And that’s ok.

AND if I were to ask “what is self-care to you?” It may also range quite a bit...from a walk in the woods, a spa day, a weekly therapist appointment, a night out with the girls / guys, binge-watching TV, a long run or a week-long vacation at the beach.  

What strikes me is that all (or at least, many) of these elements require us to leave our element, our surroundings, our day-to-day life.  

It’s almost as if we have one life and that life is hard, so we then leave that life to rejuvenate, to reenergize.  

What if, instead, we created self-refuge?  Where we didn’t need to leave, to exit, in order to rejuvenate and re-energize?  

If instead, we had the ability to turn inward to a place that felt safe, where we felt comforted, that gave us a container in which to relax?  While we are in the midst of that difficult conversation, the stressful meeting, the overwhelming schedule?  

That is what I believe the promise of mindfulness is - or at least has been for me. Yes, I still practice many other forms of self-care (and I believe those are critical!).  I also believe that self-refuges are much more sustainable, practical and work powerfully in combination with self care. 

And, yes, you need to invest some time to learn them.  But once you get a taste of how to settle, how to soothe, how to listen and not react - you use them IN THE MOMENT.  

My “tool kit” for how I take care of myself in the midst of life continues to grow.  Because once you get exposed to a few practices, you learn them, you adapt them and they grow and become stronger.  

One that I recently used (which I’m slightly embarrassed took me this long to pull out of the toolkit) is Grounding with the 5 Senses.  It’s an easy way to ground yourself and redirect your attention from emotional reactivity. For me, this was in a doctor’s office and I found myself getting carried away with future-thinking.  Instead of ruminating or scrolling through Facebook in a hopeless attempt to stop thinking, I tried this practice.  

I found it gave me an opportunity to reconnect with my present moment, not the moment that may or may not be in the future.

This was one of the practices I shared this past week (Week #2) with students in my Introductory Course to Mindfulness & Meditation. I thought you might find it helpful as well.  I”m linking it here if you’d like to try it.

Here’s to creating your own self-refuge - 

Rebecca